He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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