It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
