who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
