you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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