I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
