i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
