I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
