So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
