It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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