i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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