I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
