It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
