when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
