My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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