you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
