In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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