is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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