I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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