i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize