So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What a dumb baby whore.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
