Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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