I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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