i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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