Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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