I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
