dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
