WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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