I think my vagina is haunted
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
