I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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