I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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