She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
