just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
