the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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