I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
