Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
