Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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