He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
