haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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