you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize