dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
