I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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