I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
