Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
