i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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