I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
