Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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