u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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