Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
