mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
