just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
