I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
