So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
