You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
