so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
