Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
