She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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