i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
