So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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