mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
