You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
