she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
