I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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