I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
