who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
